Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
