he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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