I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
