Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
