hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
