Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
