I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
