i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
