I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
