I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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