U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
