You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
