I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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