I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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