Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
