and i looked up. we had an audience...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
