Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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