There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
