dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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