Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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