I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
