just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
