just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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