Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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