I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
