Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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