I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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