Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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