you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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