how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You ruined the universe
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