Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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