I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
