Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
