The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
