lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
