I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
