; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
