This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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