Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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