I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
