its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
