When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
