Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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