so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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