if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize