in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You can't motorboat a personality
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
