the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
