wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
