I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
