He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
