Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize