Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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