when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
