I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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