The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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