So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
