you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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