ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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