I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
