I need help removing her.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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