): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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