i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize