no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
