It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
