Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
