soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
