i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
