.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
