i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize