One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
