I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
