That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
