if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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