the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
